So this morning started like any other day, drinking my first cup of coffee and checking Facebook, (As you do). When I saw the news that Robin Williams had died. He was one of my all time favourite actors. I grew up watching him in Mork and Mindy, went to see Mrs Doubtfire, Hook, Jumanji and Aladdin at the cinema and enjoyed his recent return to the small screen with The Crazy Ones in which he starred alongside Sarah Michelle Gellar, (Buffy to those of you unsure who she is).
He was a comedic genius who inspired people, and brought laughter to a lot of people. I have been reading all the tweets and news items about him and there are some incredible stories. My favourite two were how he went to see Christopher Reeve in hospital after his accident dressed in scrubs and pretending to be a Russian doctor thus causing Christopher to laugh for the first time since his accident. The other was his phone call to Steven Spielberg whilst he was filming Schindler's List pretending he was calling on behalf of a charity for Germans who have no memory of what happened before 1945. It seems unbelievable that somebody who made people laugh so effortlessly was struggling with depression.
But that's why it's called the silent disease, anyone can have depression and those closest to them might not even know it.
I myself suffer from depression and I do talk about quite openly but would I admit to it on a job application? No way. Why? Because mental health is still such a taboo subject. And people who do not understand depression can be very dismissive of it. They will tell you to get over it, snap out of it or cheer up. If only it were that simple.
For me it's like my brain is split into two halves, there's the 'normal' half. (And by normal I mean the half that is able to get on with life). Then there's the other half. (I call my other half my stupid half). There are days when I can go around and do everything quite happily and everything is fine. Then there are the days when my stupid half takes over. Those are the bad days. You could find yourself unable to get out of bed, staring into space for hours, crying for no reason or just feeling helpless in the face of what life is sending your way. It is a terrible feeling, and the majority of people with depression of any form the line between the two is like walking a tight rope, a delicate balancing act of emotions.
However to the outside world you put on a front, you hide it. You bottle up your emotions. You don't talk about it because people won't understand. You're feel unable to admit that sometimes life is just a bit too much for you to deal with.
I myself had a breakdown about three years ago. I just couldn't cope with life, so my brain took a holiday. Fortunately I had a really good doctor who referred me to an amazing therapist who helped me through it. My depression isn't gone, it will never really go. But thanks to that doctor and therapist I know when things get bad there is help available. Some doctors will just prescribe anti-depressants and leave it at that, now don't get me wrong these too can be a big help. But sometimes you need more than just a drug that will numb your brain. Myself personally I cannot cope with anti-depressants they do not agree with me one bit. So being on them for too long was not an option for me. However because of my brains little time out I now have a two year gap on my CV where I pretty much did nothing. What will I tell potential employers? Certainly not that. I don't want someone hearing that and thinking well if we hire this person, what is to stop this happening again? !
That is just so unbelievably wrong. Nobody should be ashamed of having an illness, nobody should be discriminated against because of it. Mental Health awareness has come on in leaps and bounds in the last 40-50 years. At one time people with depression would have received electric shock therapy, been put away in an institution or just told to snap out of it and given some tablets and that's that.
We shouldn't feel ashamed to talk about depression or admit to suffering from depression. Certain celebrities have admitted they have depression or are 'bi-polar' (I hate that word). Stephen Fry and Ruby Wax are possibly the two who most actively discuss depression and are trying to raise awareness of it.
More needs to be done though. Robin Williams was one of the funniest men on the planet he brought laughter to millions of peoples lives and yet behind that smile he was suffering with depression. If he hadn't spoken about it would anybody have known? Of course they wouldn't.
I hope in light of his passing it will finally open people's eyes and they will realise this illness can affect anybody. That it will become okay to admit to having depression and not having to edit your CV to cover it.
Just put your hand up and admit that sometimes life is hard, but that knowing you can admit that to someone and know you won't be judged would be amazing.
If you do suffer from depression and need help here is some info for you:
Mind
Depression Alliance
You should also try your local GP.
Please don't suffer in silence.
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